Letters between Lo and Mo Part 2...

Hie Lo,

Your letters (follow the link to see the first letter) always bring a smile to my face, I miss you too my friend. I guess with all this growing up that we have done our time has become so limited. Or am I just making excuses? Speaking of time, have you ever noticed that an hour is different, an hour watching a movie is different from an hour at work which is different from an hour travelling, funny hey.

Your letter gave me the creeps but you know the rules – we don’t judge but my friend you really need to be careful, I can’t tell you anything you don’t already know but that if this is the decision you have made you need to be careful. I don’t mean to scare you but you know the statistics and I don’t want you to be one of them. I know that you love Fa but babes you are wiser than that. I’ll let it go because the impression you gave was that you have everything under control now.

Moving on, I took Tony to meet my aunt last weekend, he told her he wants to pay my lobola in October, Lo its May that leaves me with only 5 months. Before everything got so official I was so excited, you know the road Tony and I have travelled; it’s been a long and winding four years and I was so sure that I wanted to be his wife. But Lo now that I think about I don’t want to spend the rest of my life with Tony. I love him terribly but I don’t think I want to be his wife.

Let me explain. I did the whole list thing from the movie “why did I get married”; I was looking at why I should marry him and why I shouldn’t. I sat on my bed and decided to think logically and put feelings aside.

Reasons why I shouldn’t marry him – he has little motivation, Lo he is barely thinking beyond next week. He is content with his current job, his ex jap, flat screen and the fact that he can afford to pay his rent and buy fuel. He has no plans of furthering his studies, no life savings, no long term plans (except to marry me). I tried to probe him into dreaming big and his response was “we don’t need to worry about some of these things because nature will just take its course”. With that half-baked “just to shut me up” response he went back to watching two and a half men. I felt like screaming – “CHARLIE SHEEN IS ONLY A TELEVISION CHARACTER, MOST PEOPLE HAVE TO WORK HARD TO MAKE THAT MUCH MONEY”.

 It scares me. I was trying to explain this to Tete but her response was that some men need a strong woman to build them up and help them realise their potential. WHAT???? Isn’t it the other way round? Should the man not be the head of the house in all areas? Remember how we used to pity Mai Gu selling wares all day long, working hard to put food on the table and send the children to school while Baba Gu spent most of his salary at the tavern buying rounds for all and sundry. I remember hearing them shouting at each other one day about how Baba Gu had bought the children wrong sized shoes and a chicken and that was all they saw of his salary that month. Are such situations not conceived by relationships such as my own?

How do I know that Tete is right? Can I make a lifelong decision to get married to a man simply because I think that I am the missing piece that will spring him into action? Don’t get me wrong I love him to bits and I know that he loves me but what is going to happen in the long run?

Besides is it not too late for me to change my mind now. What with all these introductions being made and Tony saving money?

I haven’t even travelled out of Africa yet!! Am I sure that I have seen all there is out there? Aren’t all these questions an indication that I am not ready for this?

Enough about me, how are you my dear?

I saw the pictures you posted on Facebook from your trip to Dubai looking all suave and sassy. How was it?

Lot of love

Mo