Tinder is for the strong!!

I know I promised to write you a book about dating in your thirties. It will be some type of romance, thriller, horror, comedy and drama all in one book. So while the book is still an idea, one of the chapters will be dedicated to sharing my Tinder experiences with you. Today I will share pieces of these Tinder experiences for your entertainment:

Family portrait

I tell no lies; there was a man whose profile picture was a family portrait – man, woman and two children. Of course I swiped left but I had soooo many questions like:

·         First of all what are you doing on Tinder?

·         If you are doing that which we will not mention by name, why on earth you do have a whole family portrait as your profile picture on a dating site?

·         Are the other members of your family aware that you have paraded them on a dating site?

Baffles the mind

The queen’s language

The weekend before the lockdown began, I was in the DMs with this one brother going through the mundane ‘tell me more about yourself’ stage of Tinder interactions. This brother types ‘are you will prepaid for the lockdown’

It took me a moment to realise that he meant to type, ‘are you well prepared for the lockdown?’

Call me a snob but I never replied that message. It was too much for me. Yes, in my mother language we do say that English came on a ship and some of it fell into the ocean but I like to think that what fell into the ocean were words such as supercalifragilisticexpialidocious and sesquipedalian NOT well and prepared.

I hope future me doesn’t kick herself for not ignoring the bad English but on that day I think I made a wise decision.

Send me a pic

There are so many send-a-pic incidences…

Let me tell you about the one brother who had successfully made it to my WhatsApp. That was a huge achievement. He asked me to send him pictures of myself, to which I responded ‘that is such a buzz kill but anyway my Tinder profile picture is me, so you have seen me. Let’s continue with the conversation and see where it leads us’.

The brother man was not too impressed by this. He sent a voice note explaining (in good English) how he had had experiences where conversation is going great but when he gets to see the person he is talking to he losses interest. But has wasted time getting to know someone he is not attracted to.

This left me quite confused and I communicated this confusion, ‘are you saying that a whole great vibe can be disregarded because of outward appearances?’

His response was another voice note saying (in a far from amiable tone, ‘listen, if you don’t want with your pictures don’t send them’

My response was silence.

Cei cei

What he meant to type was sei sei, an informal Shona greeting for what’s up.

Three letters space bar three letters

You have not shortened anything. Furthermore, ‘s’ is closer to ‘e’ on the keyboard than ‘c’ so the correct way is easier for you to type.

So why??

I couldn’t reply and therefore I didn’t.

That’s all for today. I will be back with more…

(Please note that I have since deactivated my tinder account. The admin was too much for me and I don’t need it right now … wink wink …)