Hugs and me....

Hie, my name is October Madness and I have hug issues….

Hugs do no come naturally for me, they are not my first thought when I meet friends or family, probably fourth or fifth but never first. If you and I are not cool like that, a hug may be translated by my body as a violation of personal space (yes I said it) we have to be on some level of cool for a hug to be cool.

Then there are those huggers who insist on embracing you after you have clearly stretched your hand for a handshake. Those ones make me mad because my hand stretched out is me screaming “MY GREETING OF CHOICE IS A HANDSHAKE”. So when you ignore my scream it makes me angry. Needless to say 99% of individuals guilty of this crime are males.

While I am on the subject, once upon a time I attended a grooming and deportment lecture and  according to the lecturer the female should always be the initiator of a hug that involves a man and woman. I totally agree with this assertion and wish it could be taught in school along with multiplication tables… something like this

Teacher:               “eight times eight”

Students:             “sixty four”

Teacher:               “who initiates a hug?”

Students:             “the female”

Teacher:               Eight times nine”

Students:             “seventy two”

And so on and so forth…

Besides hugs come with complications - Whose hands go where, how long should the hug be, how tight should the hug be … life is already difficult enough without the science of hugonomics (I just created a word) getting in the way.