Of Tindo the diasporan and the Snake...

Of course I was going to say something about the elections but I am not here to discuss this candidate or that candidate, nor am I here to discuss this party or that party. I will write about those in a few months’ time when everything is calm lest I disappear or worse have to don an apolo-jersey...

I am here to discuss a certain type of diasporan  who I discovered during the build up to the elections. This diasporan who should be glad they are in the diaspora because if there were in Zimbabwe I would hunt them down and shove Wadzi’s hot chilli peppers down their throat.

Wadzi's Red Hot Chilli Peppers (contact me for enquiries)

Tindo is a live- in gardener at number 15 Politics drive, Harare, Zimbabwe. He lives there with his wife and two little children. Tindo is a hardworking gardener and he is quite good at his job. He lives well with his employer, Mr Moyo and rest of the staff at Mr Moyo’s mansion.

One day while Tindo is going about the business of gardening a humungous snake is spotted in the yard and Tindo frightened out his noggins jumps over to the house next door. The rest of the staff remain behind and try to see how best they can deal with the issue of the humungous snake before it harms anyone. Everyone except Tindo (because he has sought refuge next door), is bouncing around ideas; let’s call Parks, lets boil hot water to pour over it, let’s beat it to death with knobkerries and stones... Everyone is trying to deal with the dire situation at hand.

In the middle of the problem solving and panic Tindo peers over the durawall and says, ‘Guys, the snake is not that big, why don’t you just let it be. I am sure it is not even poisonous. Even if it is, if you let it eat the chickens I am sure it will not harm the humans. Besides even snakes can decide they have harmed enough humans and decide to live peacefully with the rest of the world’

‘But Tindo, if that’s the case then jump back into the yard and lets continue working’ Knobkerrie carrying Jimmy shouts back.

‘No, I am not coming back, I have already found another job here, I think I will stay here’, Tindo says from across the wall.

‘What about your wife and children, Tindo’? Jimmy asks.

‘I will send them provisions often and make sure they are taken of. However, do not get me wrong, the snake is harmless; I am just not coming back because there is a lawn mower here and I would like to improve my skills because Mr Moyo does not have a lawn mower. The remuneration is also much better than what Mr Moyo was offering and it will allow me to take care of my family better. But it’s not about the snake, you guys can live peacefully with the snake, it won’t harm you. Don’t boil water, don’t call Park, drop the knobkerries and stones. All of that will not be necessary, I can see from where I am that it is a harmless snake, a peaceful snake’.

Those with ears to hear have heard…