Can you cook books and feed them to your husband ...

‘Can you cook books and feed them to your husband? Stay at home with your mother. Learn to cook and clean. Grow vegetables.’

His intention was to soothe me with comforting, sensible words, but I could not see the sense. This was often the case when my father spoke, but there had not before been such concrete cause to question his theories. This time, though, I had evidence. Maiguru was educated, and did she serve babamukuru books for dinner? I discovered to my unhappy relief that my father was not sensible.

I complained to my mother. ‘Baba says I must learn to be a good wife. Look at Maiguru,’ I continued, unaware how viciously. ‘She is a better wife than you!’

My mother was too old to be disturbed by my childish nonsense. She tried to diffuse some of it by telling me many things, by explaining that my father was right because even maiguru knew how to cook and clean and grow vegetables. ‘This business of womanhood is a heavy burden, ‘she said. ‘How could it not be? Aren’t we the ones who bear the children? When it is like that, you can’t just decide today I want to do this, tomorrow I want to do that, the next day I want to be educated! When there are sacrifices to be made, you are the one who has to make them. And these things are not easy, you have to start learning them early, from a very early age. The earlier the better so that it is easier later on. Easy! As if, it is ever easy, and these days it is worse, with the poverty of blackness on one side and the weight of womanhood on the other. Aiwa! What will help you my child is to learn to carry your burdens with strength.’

Excerpt from Nervous Conditions by Tsitsi Dangarembga